October 31, 2011

well everybody, happy halloween.

i wish i had happier wishes to share, i really do. negativity is completely bringing me down.
so, for my own sake, i have GOT to get this out.

today was supposed to be special. it was supposed to be fun. it was supposed to be memorable.
but now it is feeling not so.
and one thing that is just driving me insane is,

through all of this heartache and all of this confusion, why has nobody stopped to ask me what i want?

everything for the past few days has been about what everyone else wants.

what He wants, or what SHE wants, or what PARENTS want, or what everyone seems to think is best for me.
i haven't even had a chance to ask myself what i want.

well i know now what it is that I want.
I want him forever.
I don't want to date right now.
I want to hold his hand.
I want him to take me to homecoming.
I want to hold on.
I want to learn something new.
I want to go dancing.
I want to dress up pretty, for myself.
I want to stop telling everyone the story.
I want to decide what is best for me.
I will do it, with help from someone divine.
together, he and i will say what i want.

 and that is how it will be
from now on.

it doesn't matter anymore.
tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly the way it's supposed to be.
moving on is a process, and you just have to promise yourself you are ready to
let go of what used to be,
and look forward to what can be.

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