October 13, 2011

well, she did it.

Courtney went into the MTC yesterday.
She left with courage and honor.
her family loves her.
and misses her.
already.

it's a weird feeling to have, not being able to contact somebody you love. all i want is to just know how she's doing. text her or call her, ask her if she's feeling okay just so can get the famous "caitlin, quit acting like i'm dying." response. i feel like i took my sister for granted, and never really told her how much i appreciate her love and kindness and  companionship. i can't rely on her for the next eighteen months of my life. She is in the Lord's hands now, but i know he will take care of her. i am the one who needs the faith. although, that doesn't take away the lonely feeling i have sitting in the bottom of my stomach. i slowly feel like i'm crunching numbers. i don't anymore knotches in my bedpost like before. i don't want to sit and countdown the days i have left with people. courtney i can have forever. she will always be my sister. and that comforts me. but there are others who i still can never be sure about. how can you ever be sure?

choosing doubt as a way of life is like choosing immobility as a means of transportation.

that's what i have learned.
so i guess that's how. (:


our prayers are with you Courtney Michelle.
may God be with you till we meet again.
return with honor.
i love you.

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