i have been in such a weird slump lately. i am constantly whining and it seems like there is always something going wrong or somebody that isn't happy with me because of my own stupid choices. i feel tired all of the time, and by the time i fall asleep at night i feel like i might as well have ran a marathon. my body is always sick. some new illness seems to be always overtaking me. i cry over everything. and i mean everything. in fact, that is what i am doing right now. just isolating myself into my bedroom and crying for reasons i am not ever sure of. who am i these days? this isn't like me at all. i pride myself in being able to maintain a positive outlook on life generally, and always having a smile on my face. and the worst part is, i am sitting here being oh so sad, and i don't have anybody to talk to. not that i don't have amazing people in my life, because i do. and i couldn't be more grateful! but i have already put so much strain on all of those people already, i just don't want to put anymore. i can't. i just can't handle knowing that i have dissapointed someone i love, or hurt them in some way. it kills me. but i seem to be doing that so much lately, without even meaning to! and now look, i am very much alone in my sadness. mostly of my own accord really. i am not blaming anybody or trying to make anybody feel pity for me. no, not at all. i am merely just trying to piece an answer together. where is this all coming from? why am i so..... insufferable right now? if i were all of these people in my life, i wouldn't talk to me. no way. in fact, my friends and i deserted a friend of ours because she displayed behavior alot like this. we couldn't handle it. we tried to help her as best we could, but she was such a downer and would not accept anything we did to help. and now i am that person. i hate being like this. do you know how many times i have had to apologize to people lately for hurting their feelings or doing something completely dramatic and stupid? more times that i would like to admit quite frankly. i don't even understand!
bahh. i need a hug. and someone to cuddle with me.
sorry about the gloomy mood guys,
i am pathetic sometimes.
have good dreams.