i have come to the realization that my biggest downfall is in that i can not forgive myself easily. it takes a lot for me to let go of all of the mistakes i have made. for some reason, i hold onto them and let them eat me apart. i let it dictate how i feel, and how i act. it shouldn't, but it does. i am trying so hard to just let it go, and become a better person from it. why is that so hard? for most people, that's the easy part. so, why do i make things so much more complicated than they need to be? it's a question i will never know the answer to. how can i fix this problem? how do you it when the problem is that i can not let go of my problems? i feel like i am running in circles with my head cut off. i just want to move on, and be done with all of this. i can't decide what step is next, but i guess that is up to the Lord to decide. i am trying oh so hard to listen and do what he wants me to do. sometimes though, that is a lot more difficult than it sounds. i just have to have faith i guess. faith that he forgives me. faith that he hears me. faith that this will pass. faith that someday i will be better. faith that i can persevere. faith that my legs will move me in the morning. faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, ringing in the dawn of a new day.
on a lighter note, you know you are a nerd when your favorite boy in the entire world tells you, "i am faramir and you are eowyn." and that makes you smile. (: doesn't he just always know what to say? hahahaha