so, i guess i have a lot i need to say. some of it is apologies, some of it is explanation, and some is just a lesson to learn. i have been humbled this week kids, and i do not mean that lightly. it wasn't a small, soft reminder, it was more like a big huge humbling. i know that i can not be the only one with this problem, but sometimes i feel like i am. i have been so selfish. and i have made those around me feel like their words mean nothing. i spend way too much time caught up thinking about every little thing that i do not like about myself. i find the reasons why i shouldn't win, or why i am not good enough. what's that all about? what a waste of my precious time here. how can i be so shallow? and then i keep getting reminded that when i do this, the people around me who try and use kind words to console me, they feel like those words mean nothing. which is not true at all, not even a little bit. i guess i have never considered that i was doing that to people, and i am so sorry. that is a really good way to drive people away. good one caitlin.
for anyone out there who is like me, i understand you. i know how you feel. when i am doing this, it is not because i am crying for help, it is only because that is how my mind works. i pick things apart and find all of the worst possibilities so that i know what to prepare for, and what to work towards. but i did not realize the negative effect i have on the people around me. :( kids, we need to stop this cycle of self deprication. even though that may be how our minds think, sometimes it is not the best. there has to be a better way of trying to work through things, without feeling like i am an over confident snob. this is a question i do not know the answer too, so this post is solely being written so that i can get feedback. i don't want to hurt other any longer, and i don't want to constantly be putting myself down. so, what is the answer then friends?