anyhoo, life is starting to clear up. i mean, it still has it's own set of problems, but that is truly the purpose of life. to overcome troubles. and to do it with a smile on your face. i still sometimes catch myself feeling really lonely, but i just have to fight to urge to feel sorry for myself and count my blessings instead. i know that sounds cliche, but it really does help.
i am beginning to feel a change in my heart. it hurts, but i think it's good. the heart wants what the heart wants, and i am not going to spend anymore time trying to talk myself out of what it feels. it is time to let go of old dreams, and start grasping onto the idea of new ones. i mean, i am so young, and the whole world is at my feet. i can do virtually anything and go anywhere that i may want to go. that's real power right there. it almost scares me a bit, but it more inspires me. i don't need somebody to take care of me all the time, i can live on my own. i have to. i have to prove to myself that i can survive in this world alone. because otherwise i will never be able to live in it with someone else. i am grateful for the example and the confidence i have received over these past couple of years, and now it is time to let that go and put it into action. there is no other direction i can go from here, only forward. looking back or holding on will only keep me from reaching my highest potential as a person. and it will only hold those who lay in my past back as well. i have to let them go and dive into their own maps of life, that's all there is for them to do. maybe someday my maps with reconnect with theirs and we may all once again step foot onto the same turf. i hope for that day. i really do. but until then, this is the time for my own adventure. my own wavy waters lie ahead for me. i only hope i can withstand the waves and storms, and still come out a better person.
it seems apparent that i have spent my day watching pirate movies. hmm.