my dearest readers,
wow, i have been gone a long while. i returned home from my mission in december, got around to writing one blog post, and haven't been on here since. i kept telling myself it was because i was just too busy, that i had no time to spare (still partially true), and that what i was writing on this little thing didn't make that much of a difference anyway. while all of these things may be true, i can't help but feel like writing in this forum helps ME feel better in a vast variety of ways. so, starting today i will be writing again. i miss being able to write from the heart and share things with others stories that might help them. as a leader in the #choosetolive initiative, i think this might be a great way to help others see the beauty in life through inspiring moments, trials, and laughter.
i have recently been going through what i am going to call a "personal slump." with a full-time schedule in school, working two jobs, miss lehi activities, friends (or the lack thereof at times i feel), a boyfriend, and a family, i have felt myself being stretched beyond my own limits. i began to feel enormous amounts of pressure on me to fulfill all of these different roles and do them perfectly. my perfectionist personality type helps me to achieve many things, but also can add a daunting perspective on what is happening in the moment. i felt that while i had many amazing things to do, i was not able to give my whole heart to any one of them, thus making me feel defeated and frustrated,
i had been praying up to this point for some guidance from above. i wanted to be filled with inspiration, i wanted to do something for someone else that would help them be happy, thus sharing that happiness with me. i wanted to feel like He still trusted me to do his work, and that he could count on me to do it right. i was so desperate in this plight that my prayers turned to pleas. i didn't feel like anything was coming to me, and so i began to wonder whether or not He even trusted me anymore.
after a grueling night of emotions and self defeating phrases, i was feeling desperately alone. as my frustration built, i could feel myself distancing from those around me and putting on a face of happiness and an air of achievement. it's not a fun life when you feel like you have to hide what you're really feeling, because you yourself don't even know how to riddle it out.
the something amazing happened.
while i was out at dinner eating with my mom, sister, and friends we were informed by our waitress that someone had anonymously paid the bill for the entire table. when this happened, something hit me straight in the chest. none of us are perfect in this life, and all of us struggle. it doesn't mean that life is a wasted effort on our part, in fact, it means the complete opposite. if there was no failure, there would be no reason for us to ever rejoice. whoever the individual was that bought our meal, i can't be sure, but i can guess that they, too, are going through tough times. they reached out in a small way that touched my heart and made me see things from a different lens, even if just for a moment. kindness is powerful. we may not even ever know the implications of the small things we do for others, but i can tell you that it could mean the difference between life or death at times for that person. life might be hard sometimes, but don't ever let that kill the innate human desire to reach out to others, even in the smallest of ways.
thank you to the stranger who bought our dinner. you have no idea the prayers answered through your simple act.